breaking open into a night which ticks silently by trying to figure why there is (there is what, is not the point) but just that there is and you can fill in the blank (but the typed keys wrote black but i erased that for in the blackness there is a blank that envelops us until we become so numb that we beg for there to be feeling). where was i besides riding this wave of gone tide hoping to lampoon a whale to travel me to a land that holds an island where a native can teach me how to love in an unselfish way without the baggage of g(G)od or myths or power that pulls us in so many directions until we unravel into a heap that has so many frayed ends that there is no end to the number of ways one could become unraveled / could we not just start all over from zero. water freezes but this blood keeps the core beating to earth’s rhythm while contemplating today’s deaths/ why are there so many deaths in winter, is it not already a cold bleak time that buries us into a hole and we struggle under the dark sky trying to take hold, rooting but losing our grip on reality as daylight continues to waver on the side of the road. forty is looming and there is still no answer to the question posed a decade ago. what shall catapult me forward /what shall bring me backward besides rewinding this dead watch and watch it not move forward again. a white tattoo winks behind the cursor. curse her once more in this mirror but how can you be angry at one who was strong enough to survive. they did not survive and perhaps that is the lesson for today beyond the lesson learned in lecture that started these thoughts as the ravens flew down hanging midnight’s curtain starting at 5:15 on this midwestern landscape begging for Poe and rivers to open wide, swallow this boat that got lost since the moon felt it needed a night off after all. where is faith when you do not walk with confidence – he states that only the faith-filled walk with confidence but if that means his brand of belief than these shoes prefer a hunched path for at least when i get lectured about intellectual arrogance i understand that it no different from the one he flames from the pulpit when they place a former Jew on display who has renounced God for God and all the Christians clap/ no one sees the irony. someday we will all meet truth / until then continue to watch this watch for when it starts to work again we will know that we are finally at our destination ~
(this post is in memory of deaths revealed today : 1. AM text from coworker who read the obit of a patron who was dear to me (he had actually visited me a month ago to say good-bye, to tell me he was dying) 2. read that the young founder of Reddit was found dead (by hanging) 3. Neil Gaiman writes a moving post about the sudden death of his rescue dog, Cabal, who came to him during a lonely time of life which I so understand for my rescue dog was given to me after a prayer for help – it was perhaps the last time faith was in this room)
