we hunger for substance, we feed on garbage

“This perversion of the truth, familiar to the artist though it was, always unnerved him afresh and proved too much for him. What was a consequence of the premature ending of his fast was here presented as the cause of it! To fight against this lack of understanding, against a whole world of nonunderstanding, was impossible.” ~ Franz Kafka, A Hunger Artist

Kafka was a tortured soul. One could question, was this nature or nurture derived? As a boy, taught early to denounce his religious heritage and to be raised by a father who couldn’t be pleased, the latter seems a good answer.

I read a bit of Kafka years ago; I’m not even certain if it was for class or my interest. I read quickly, without absorption, and was happy to be away from his world when there were no more words upon the page. These days, I’ve become intrigued by Kafka, but knew not where to start. Friday night, while picking up books around libraryland, I spied R. Crumb’s Kafka. Two days later,  I’ve added, A Hunger Artist, Amerika, & Letters To My Father, to my GoodReads list.

I shall not expound on theories when I’ve not read the work, but A Hunger Artist is rather intriguing from the POV that Kafka held great disdain for his person. According to David Zane Mairowitz’s commentary in R.Crumb’s Kafka, Kafka felt great inadequacy physically. He had an almost unnatural disdain; an alienation from his own self which he tried to make as small as possible as a part of nature.

Granted, this is conjecture  since I’ve not done my homework beyond reading Mairowitz’s words. It doesn’t seem a farfetched analogy considering Kafka wrote a work in which a man awakes as a giant bug in Metamorphosis.  How a man, who finds himself on display, in a cage, fasting for 40 days, shall be a true testament to the inner psyche of an artist who, too, felt a need to become small. That said, am I being too literal, and the hunger was for something beyond the garbage we often call substance.

Sorry, the witching hour has gonged long ago, and I fear I’m talking in circles. Perhaps the brain just needs to sleep; perhaps I need to disassociate with what I’ve read this weekend between Kafka, McCarthy & a fun bit about Marx via Rius (more about this later).

It is intriguing, though, don’t you think, when you stumble upon what you thought you knew only to trip into a completely different well… ~

beauty fades: words live forever

beauty walks swiftly into a room, sits down to decorate the landscape of perfectly pitched lithographs and one ornate mirror. despite the invention of electricity, the fall of the sun into the pinking horizon also destroys the thin line of solitude that keeps natural from nature. harsh light of reality paints black outlines and hardens a tired look into blue smudged shadows. when beauty glances up, it is her startled reflection that echoes down a hall of a dozen refracted dreams. no longer does she feel her youth, it is her mother that smiles back at her in paling light. ~ 

a bit of stream before I walk away from this screen tonight. too many hours reading twitter feeds and political commentary for my own good. work tomorrow shall be good unless some one mentions Clint Eastwood…. anyhoo,

I thought about beauty today, hence the above stream. It’s interesting, I’ve no patience for the demands of beauty in our society. It severely limits a woman and her ability to be perceived as human, she must first be objectified - categorized - what ‘class’ shall she fall into based on everything besides her IQ. The physical has always unnerved me. Yet, today I realized, there is one place I do feel beautiful….when I’m at the bookshop seeking a new treasure. Seriously, today I noticed how I smile upon a discovery (used bookshop) without self-consciousness. My posture is straight, not hunched, or trying to be small so that others may pass. When I finally pay for my purchase, I happily converse and look the clerk in the eye. Why? Books are the object; the beauty; and I am just the lowly receptacle who is fortunate enough to take a glimpse beyond their covers.

a smokey note before sleep ~

A mistake has been made in my choosing to type these words. Eyes half closed; a white-cold air stream seeping through a cracked slider to keep things crisp. A small heater fan combats the elements; I remain elevated on a pillowed island, smack in the middle of self-made, interior habitat.

Midnight. My luck ran out hours ago after I left the used bookstore; after a dogging day at literary headquarters. An after work quest to uncover a pipe-dream in disguise; thick covered, embossed with words of another’s dreams.

I almost found what I sought in rows of stacks. A wonderful blogger spoke of a book that had me terribly intrigued. I didn’t find it, but the search found me a couple of unusual keepers: A Sleep And A Forgetting</em>; and, Summer in Baden-Baden</em>. The coup… a writer of amazing poetic, artistic talents, directed me to Witold Gombrowicz’s, Cosmos, which I unearthed for less than a Lincoln.

Three books; three translated works for less than twenty bills. Fortunate, to be free to drop money on such an indulgence. Life is lived rather simply. Rarely purchases are made for anything except for organic groceries; coffee beans (a local coffee roaster) and petrol. Albeit, the occasional book is my sanity savor for keeping time in ways that propel me backward.

Forward, a direction of pinking horizons and glass ceilings. We’ve all got our leveled mirror that rises inches.. feet.. yards above our head. VIDA will easily explore the female’s writers ceiling if you’ve any question of inequality in 2012. I’d be happy to discuss the personal noggin-knocker…but I wont go there, not tonight (twilight, morning…how to define this passage).

Shirley Horn is singing a smokey note. The song takes me back to working late Sunday nights, spinning music at the local B&N, where dreams floated shoulder height; there was more mystery back then.

We be livin’ right? We the living. A somber thing to remember when the graves of friends are settled with snow. They’d do anything to be living backward or forward; just living, listening to one more chord reverb. Winter bites hard; its teeth sinking fast into frozen memories.

What is the point then, to this post; these somber directives. Simply nothing; it was stated in the beginning, this was a mistake. Directionless, yet contemplative; doldrums of a weekend working, know I ticked time, but question if I went clockwise.

Dostoyevsky wrote:

‘And who knows…perhaps the only purpose which mankind aspires to in this world is the perpetual process of achievement, in other words – not any specific goal, but life itself.’

Life, unwrap it slowly. ~

a day in the life ~

a reader and her books…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only time I was productive today was when I took the pup on a morning walk/jog to grandmother’s place. (Must have done too much; I felt poorly after)

Sadly, Grandmother’s house is not a quaint cottage in the woods, but an upscale nursing facility in the burbs that smells of cinnamon candles. Nona was out of sorts today emotionally. She did, however, introduce me as her granddaughter with my proper name. The old gals about the place are quite lovely. One even gave me high compliment regarding my age and looks,; sigh, next month is another year…

The rest of the day was spent tooling around the internet. I’ll share a couple of finds for fun…

The New Yorker’s FB feature on Portlandia. Portlandia can only be called a ‘hipster’ program aired on some indie channel that deals with the ‘day in the life’ of two peeps residing in ultrahip Portland, OR. I’ve no cable, ergo, was oblivious to this obnoxious creation. I do believe I would become a train wreck if I ever viewed it.

Amos Lee shared a link to a Transatlantic Session promoting another artist. TS5 on YouTube pulled up a bevy of fabulous live sessions…I thought this rendition of Lee’s ‘Jesus’ was phenom.

Oh, yes, the pictures…

Three new books have been added to a bedroom bookcase. I’ve high hopes of reading them sometime. How terrible I am; I love books, but I become too distracted to read for any length of time.

Perhaps that is why I write poetry ~

It’s only fiction, right?

An amusing article tonight compliments of the Guardian. The crux of it…writer, Samantha Ellis, believes she sent her life amiss because she tried to emulate too many of the ‘wrong’ heroines. Ellis’s examples: Scarlett O’Hara, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, et al..

I’d not only say heroines, but the wrong type of book can do irreparable damage as well. The consumption of Harlequin romance at youth could damage cognitive wiring regarding a healthy relationship.

Did I just admit to reading Harlequins on global media? My head hangs low. Yes, it is true. I shall break this story before I run for public office, or try for literary publication. As a girl of 12 or 13, I was so bored one summer without a decent library, I took up reading all of my mother’s old 1970s paperback romances. I believe I averaged a book a day. This paperback crack was consumed in mass quantities by a pre-teen wishing to meet her Heathcliff.

It wasn’t until my early twenties that I discovered what Ellis did… these books, as well as certain heroines, can be dangerous. I had found the dark Plath, the stubborn O’Hara, the outspoken Jo, so endearing that I tried to live as they did, especially when it came to love.

I remember at age 18 or 19 swearing off ever reading another romance. I had come to the conclusion that books were not to be trusted. Men don’t really go chasing after the difficult girl, they just call her best friend. An older guy, say by five or more years, is just that, older. If your female and speak your mind, your audience may come to respect you…ten years later.

I should have known better, right, it’s fiction!

I’ve thought a lot about the craft of fiction and how it is perceived since I posted, Tequila Sun. It was a 55 word prose/poetry piece of pure fiction, but more than one read it as truth. It made me wonder, how many read my poetry and see it as ‘my life’? To clarify, yes, some is confessional, but a lot of it is the muse at work. A poem of suicidal tendencies doesn’t mean the blog will be shroud in black the next day.

As for the ‘flash fiction’, it would’ve been quite amazing if someone had left me a message in a bottle ten years ago on my running path. Even more amazing that this stranger was the ‘one’. Pure poetry, indeed… or at least, romantic fiction.

We used to sing a song when I was young, “Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys”. I think perhaps we should add one for the girls, “Mama, don’t let you babies grow up reading romance”. Either could prove hazardous to one’s life.

stray bits & the stray

Hmmm…she really is branching out with her MoPo shitck, you may be questioning….ha! Actually, these here are pictures I took of a good friend’s reading list she has kept since the first of the year. If you are a reader and love books that are off the beaten path, click on either page to enlarge to find your next treasure courtesy of Heather.

Heather is a speed reader and brilliant (my words, not hers.) Truth, I feel rather dumb when I hang with her, but I leave completely inspired to READ! (Now, who works in a library?) Anyhoo, if you’ve any questions, ask away and I shall ask the authority and get back to you. My short list for her list includes one Europa Editions, From the Land of the Moon (highly recommended AND it is just my style, short! ( l love little books.) The other is Apollo’s Angels, a non-fiction piece about the ballet.

See, I really do offer library services via the web….

…and for those who wanted a bit of silly poetry… I wrote this one about my dog the other night, cheers ~

Her nose, wet
wedged between
knees; warm breath
wheezes, can she be
allergic to me
as I am her -
her charcoal fur
feathers down
my bare leg;
a paw curiously
curls a broken
way; she stirs,
yips, an abandoned
cry; she still strays
in her dreams…
what did she leave
behind?

How to be a rock star..

..when you’re an French Professor in the 60s..

Read this letter to your students:
Dear Wallace Fowlie,
Just wanted to thank you for doing Rimbaud translation. I needed
it because I don’t read French that easily…I am a rock singer and your book travels around with me.

~ Jim Morrison.

I had forgotten about this until I revisited the Fowlie translation this last weekend. Hunting the stacks in the 840 range, the revised edition with Seth Whidden caught my eye. I’ve long desired to learn French, as well as read Rimbaud, ergo, an ideal book. I lucked out on Sunday when I visited a local used shop and found the original translation from 1966 in not too bad of shape considering it is paperback. Now, I’ve got Morrison on the mind, so, I may have to reread, Rebel as Poet.

Oh, sweet youth…some days I miss poetic, rebel yells…

Books of note, in pictures..

taught me how to play with my words..

helped me when I couldn't help myself..

 

 

moved me to respect the land and her people..

inspired me to explore..

 

 

encouraged me to be independent..

 

 

Show me your shorts!

Not those shorts, but your creative shorts. I’ve dropped the ball with no post yesterday and am feeling quite guilty. The guilt, however, is not working for me as it is causing my brain to go a bit ADHD on how to make amends by writing a phenom post, when all I really wish to do is post a haiku and call it done. Not so fast…

In my stack of reading material, I spied Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird, which I’ve thumbed through many times. Truth, I buy these books with hopes of curing procrastination only to find that it makes it worse for I’m then daunted by trying to read and write, oi! Well, thumbing through it again, I found this tidbit of inspiration she offered her students suffering from writer’s block ~ write about school lunch! She believes that the childhood school lunch often brings about a brotherhood for we all had to eat them. Lamott hints that school lunches can be a bit of a metaphor for life as well. (I’d say that is for the more advanced, thinking writer, which is beyond me this Friday afternoon).

However, I think the idea of writing a creative short about lunch is quite amusing, especially if I use the posted picture. If you hit a road block today, or this weekend, and your in need of an idea, please use. I would love for you to share your short by posting a link to your blog in the comment field!

The peas stare up at me in a puddle of what can only be described as an urine coloured oil slick. The peas themselves are in a state of unrest, probably from being in the can far too long. They’ve long lost any hint of nature’s green, their shade now a bit ashen with a touch of colour similar to pond scum. What really bothers me, however, is how misshapen and prune-like their shell. Not a solid round among ‘em, just these crinkly masses that have popped open in places to ooze their mashed insides.

The peas stand between me and ending another day in the stench. I wish to leave with my reward ~ white bread triangles that are not buttered, but have been sprayed with what looks like yellow glue. These delights sit in a tub for the hungry ones, the boys that could plow through three lunches in five minutes. A couple of us girls have decided that the bread IS lunch, but, anyone who wishes to partake must demonstrate a clean plate.

I’ve already auctioned off my mystery meat burger whose deep creators held unusually bright goo that I believe was ketchup in another life with sliding pickles that cling to the sides of the brick-like bun, as if they don’t wish to plunge deep into the toxic peas .The tater tots get tossed into a target’s mouth whenever the queen bee is corralling wandering urchins into the abyss, aka, basement level lunch room.

But the peas, no one wants the peas! I’ve shoved half of them into my napkin, squeezing them so none escape. The flimsy white napkin has become a wet mess in my palm until I can feel papery fibers sticking to my thumb pad. When Miss F turns away from our table, I’ve been quickly spooning the rest of ‘em into my milk carton. It is an old trick, but if I wait until a group of us overwhelms her for our lunch “check out” I may just avoid her shaking the cartoon to make sure I’ve drank all my cow’s milk. Nervously, I sit and wait for the next stream, my eye traveling over to the prize tub.

Are you a classic..

..well written, but never read?

The Observer recently posted a 10 Best Lists (I love to read lists, though, I abhor keeping my own) entitled 10 best Neglected Literary Classics ~ in pictures. The one that I featured actually had me most intrigued as it’s a coming-of-age novel which is my genre of choice. All of them sound interesting, including The Wife, which was only published in 2003, but already labeled by the columnist as a classic.

I adore the thought of being a classic, but, of life; in life. I’ve never understood why one would want to copy, or mimic, another when we’ve all be given a unique carbon footprint. Often our hidden talents are just waiting to be discovered once we find the courage to declare our independence from status quo. These talents will make us memorable, even after our voice has faded.

“To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
…”
~ Hamlet
A classic never neglected, but lines oft forgotten.

>>sidebar>>There’s a lovely, talented culinary blogger whom has a dream and is working toward it. Check out her wonderful blog, if you’d like to help a fellow blogger. Cheers ~

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 231 other followers