for this i am certain….love the one you’re with, at least in your dreams ~

Whilst (or while, your call at this stage of morning) I was reading The Principles of Uncertainty**

(**a delightful book I picked up for $1 years ago to tear apart for collages, but didn’t have the heart to because it was so pretty. Instead, it was placed in a basket with other books in a corner until I forgot about it until tonight. After work I went outside to sit with the dog to drink some wine, and to read the latest New Yorker. While grabbing a pitcher of water to water the plants, I spied the book’s white form and grabbed it after I filled the water (100 degree heat equals plant dehydration…human too) The New Yorker never got read because Maira Kalman’s art & words were just too…

fab)

In her words (it is written as a ‘journal’, I think it may have been a project for a column for The New Yorker, but that remains unclear since I just scanned the reviews online after I discovered I must know more about her) there was a bit of commentary on marrying for true love, or not. I thought, why do we marry for other than love?

It like that dream where I don’t really love my Fred, but meh, he helps keep the bed warm in November (or December) when this heat wave will be all but a memory. His smile is straight & honest for the most part until he steps out for a smoke with ___ or ____. I knew this of course, but turn the other way because there is a lack of belief in bliss or happiness.

Cynic? Stoic? Personally, Eeyore has a better fit. I bet they

married for love. If you’re gay, you’ve fought for it more than most, to love. Perhaps that union is more unionized than the legitimized, idolized ‘i do’ ‘i do’ being stated this time of year. We hetoros have it too easy. Not even a blood test these days. Wham! Bam! Yes I Am gonna marry the next fella who shows me he is willing to at least meet the ‘rents.** Too many bands play all night because  it just might just  be all about the wedding. What about what those to gals have waited to profess: an undying vow of love for there is no one better…or at least they hope not for they passed on all the rest.

**speaking of ‘rents…an update on my father for those who read here more than once…he is still feeling quite poorly, but out of the hospital for now. 

[sidebar...irony: decided to watch a movie to wind down and stumbled upon a Sundance flick, Obselidia. There is still 15 minutes left (hardly ever finish a movie in one sitting..nor pay full attention causing a need for multiple viewings) but the content was rather serendipitous to the book. No one wants to believe in the need of love...isn't that grand?]

the sea inside us all

With an artist’s death there shall be light
it remains unknown if it will be an illumination
or a shadow. Life walked so silently
no concrete footprint despite carbon load,
one only preserves so much without government enforcement.
A vole destroys the roses to reach the neighbor’s lettuce.
No roses were left at her site
she had requested coffee instead, plants to be sent
to a far away hill where shade and sun burn fair.
Coffee remains a drink of the people.

Don’t ask, I won’t tell. It is another one of those thinking while I’m reading poems…words that popped into my mind that should wait to be produced into something more fruitful, but I just had to write something. A desperation to share some thoughts despite a weariness of function. The library is killing me. My father’s sickness is killing me. The ongoing thoughts in my head that are not being shared upon this blog are KILLIN ME.

A bit melodramatic, but it works. I’ll link a few articles that continue from last weeks posts regarding the New Sincerity discussion. Actually, I had let the whole concept go until I started to read The Sun tonight.

(You see, I did a trial run of The Sun, but have yet to read it. I need to decide if I would keep it. This is how my brain works: if the first article I read inspires, sign me up. Voila, I read a stunning Q&A feature with artist, Ran Ortner (see below). The man is a prophet. He claims to not be a wordsmith, yet his knowledge of art and the human condition are pure poetry.)

What I found interesting about Ortner’s ocean art was how it resonated, it opened people. This idea that has surfaced in the whole NS movement…to crack open the mind, spill out the contents. Read the beautiful words of Ortner as he wrestles with his place as an artist within the confines of contemporary art. He brilliantly address the idea of sincerity.:

I knew I would have to avoid the pitfalls of becoming sentimental or clichéd. The rules of the contemporary art world are crystal clear: If reaching for the sublime or the epic, one must work with abstract painting or reductive, often monumental, sculpture. If one works with representation — realism — then one must use irony, social commentary, or wit in the work to avoid becoming saccharine or “decorative.” But I did not want the distance or the conceit that devices like irony evoke. I decided I would attempt a kind of tightrope act. I would paint straight — in a realistic manner — but I would attempt to be inventive with my perspective and the quality of immersion. I hoped to build the kind of emotional density I feel in the old masters.
If I could convey the ocean’s paradoxes, its ferocity and tenderness, in the same image, I could possibly awaken the viewer to a place where language drops away. By setting these massive, lush paintings in the artificial environment of the contemporary gallery, I intend to make it feel astonishing, to have an impact so immediate that it becomes what Kafka called an “ax for the frozen sea inside us.”

The Kafka quote at the end is a brilliant summation of what is being addressed regarding art/purpose/affect. Ortner’s art resonates with the thousands who gaze upon it because he held true to his inner voice. I believe that the visual/auditory/written art that comes from a place that isn’t plastic is the that art that is embraced by the masses. When the artist inside sings, the audience shall too. It goes beyond the ‘isms’ that many may try to define it, and rests with an honesty that isn’t sweet, but a bitter truth.

What is art? What is the role of the artist in the 21st Century? I think there is a danger when we let academia shape too much until we are more of a chorus’ refrain than a sopranos’s aria. There is a brilliant paragraph at the end of this article (you must find the print copy to read) addressing this… the song of the artist. Read it…see if it resonates, or at least, hits a chord. ~

(I’ll leave you with a few thought-provoking links. My conclusion thus far…the more I read about what is ‘right & wrong’ in academia, the more stifled I become trying to find a niche. The muse, she waits…)

* Poetry/Avant Garde & academics ~ http://samizdatblog.blogspot.com/2012/06/academization-0f-avant-garde-poetry.html

* Poetry Wide Open (this is a new find for me from above article…so psyched because I just discovered it features writing from a blogger/academic/poet I used to read religiously.)

* Poetry for the academic mainstream verses the masses (ha! I know, but just go read it if you are curious)

*Inflation Poetry (as coined by the author…a great read addressing melodrama/sincerity)

what we do when we don’t know what to do

If you’re wondering about the last entry (do we call it a poem), no fear, I’ve been drinking under the piano again.

My head is spinning. I’ve come across so many great entries lately regarding the Avant-Garde; Language poets; New Sincerity, and Conceptualism, that I’ve added enough books to Goodreads and links on Pinterest, to last me till next year. The objective is not necessarily to become a better poet, but to become a broad-spectrum connoisseur.

I shall never state that I’ve the talent to enter into an MFA program (especially the best one, which resides within this state), however, a gal can pretend. I figure there is no harm in broadening the landscape with the proper tools even if I don’t know how to use a jack hammer. If even the tiniest fissure opens to reveal a bit of pale light then it is pain with gain.

If you are a poet, a writer, a researcher with a curious bent toward modern theory on literature/poetry, here are a few links to explore:

*Intro to the Avant-Garde. HTMLGIANT

*Poetry on the Brink. Boston Review

* Something that stutters sincerity. Jacket2

* Poetry Magazine

Stay tuned….there is no telling where this blog may venture in the future. ~

mowing down the truth

I’d rather be mowing. A possible bumper sticker to confuse your fellow drivers.

Today I mowed following a rhythm, a pattern that has been lost to me for at least 10 years. The lawn that had absorbed running bare feet and cartwheels from poplar to oak was in need of a cutting.

It’s funny how certain routines harken us back in time. Mowing takes me to a darker place. A contemplative state. Certain swipes of the back green, under the shade of a vast pin oak, has me remembering Jewel singing something about eggs or french toast with a smiley face. Then there was Pinkola Estes, whose voice spoke of myth and a woman’s place. The world began to crack open as I listened while mowing, spilling out life I had tried to seal shut.

Eventually, truth came to light. Actually, it just took hearing a declarative of said ‘truth’ for me to buck up, suck up, and pull up the boots. Mother never was certain of it, she thought too much muck caked the worn shoes. Father, though, he said she’ll get there…let her mow.

Truth came up again tonight while reading a VIDA post on Muriel Rukeyser, Risk of Intensity. Rather serendipitous for I had just read about Muriel Rukeyser earlier today in an old copy of Poetry magazine while walking z. She sounded intriguing, a poet of resolve who championed the voice. Risk reinforced these ideas with this: I’d like to paraphrase a quote from one of Rukeyser’s poems that is often cited: However the truth arrives, I’d like to tell the truth and make the world split open.

Why do you write poems or other works of words? Is it to dig at a truth, be it yours or universal. As I revisit the thoughts of certain post-modern movements, I begin to wonder what can be lost if writing more with an objective on words than thoughts. It shall still be art, but will the reader feel it.

Truth, I’m a selfish writer when it comes to poetry. I do it more to express something that is biting me than casting a line to catch something to bite it.

I’ll leave you with a poem…you tell me, did it move you…

(This was a concept I read about on tumblr or a blog last week. You take books you have around you and turn the spines into a poem. I took the stack next to my bed.)

Zona,
Imagine
The Mindful Writer
In The Bedroom.
The Prophet
At Home in the World.
Binocular Vision
When Things of the Spirit Come First
Malcolm X: A life of reinvention ~

don’t tame the wild thang

What happens when time’s hands have stopped, leaving you uncertain which side of the clock is ticking. Perchance this room is dark because mother has left a drippy blanket to dry over the rising sun. We turn on a bedside lamp to reassure our searching eyes.

If the clouds never part; if the rain never abates; does that mean we are unwashable of certain sins?

Sin gone born again. It was early morning, the pup and I jogging underneath a blanket of Mother’s solitude. No one ventures out in the rain ’round here. But, would this earthy baptismal wash me clean? Then I wondered: why exactly was I dirty?

Awe lordy, don’t ask this one to pray! for she is angry! Experience tells me, you’ll take your breakables home no matter how much I beg to let them stay.

What of this you may say? This is that voice that perhaps we shouldn’t be projecting upon the page. Yet, if we stifle our muse with a whip eventually she’ll be a runaway, as any kept thing should. Art shouldn’t be defined by us or them. Art is energy when we allow the light turned on. If I control this electricity that swells from a place I cannot see, but I know, then there will be nothing on this page for you, or me, to grasp. Do we not read to get hungry?

This garden I planted long ago has been slowly dying. Certainly there is death after spring’s quiet rays is replaced by May’s heavy sun. The tulips bow forward in exhaustion, their silky blooms too delicate in nature to withstand too much heat or midwestern winds. The rose, however, how she has been creeping. Wild in nature, I’ve seen her throw down her blooms in protest by too much pruning.

So… here I am! as I stole from a movie. Today, I must express what has been brewing at the bottom of this burnt out copper pot. The copper has lost its luster because I’ve failed to take any energy to make her shine.

You shall be my energy, my wild vine that will help me to create more words upon this page. I’ve been away this week researching, trying to understand why my father lays in ICU in so much pain. We don’t appreciate how much we depend on other’s support and light until we tap our last reserve. Your words shall be an organic feeding frenzy filling this empty plate. I hope to digest it all in the next few days. Something tells me, there is even a wild vine to place in the empty vase longing to hold something beautiful.

(sidebar: this post came in part because I recently told another blogger that I was going to take a break from posting poetry in order to work on writing better poetry. When push came to shove, though, while sitting in ICU, it was only poetry that came to me. (I posted them yesterday) Even if what I posted is less than good…it seems to be the chosen voice of my muse. Caution: you may just kill what you tame, especially the wild thang that resides in each one of us… artists ~ )

a tornado’s energy & collective poetry

An empty bar,
possibly not even open,
had many beginnings -
of this, on the cobbles
outside the inn,
Richard kept his head down*
in a land as different
from Renoir’s world.

[Books used: Zona, Geoff Dyer; Wild, Cheryl Strayed; 7 Poets, 4 Days, 1 book, ed. Christopher Merrill; Sacre Bleu, Christopher Moore; Reamde,Neal Stephenson Appetites,Caroline Knapp]

It is National Poetry Month. The above was a quick, experimental poem. There are many conceptional, experimental approaches to poetry; I shall never discover all factions. I oft wonder; is it still creative work if using another’s words? Is it poetry? Perhaps, however, I don’t believe I can claim it mine.

In this brief experiment, I’ve taken the first sentence (after the ‘prologue’ and Chapter title/quote) of several books I’m reading, then utilized portions of the first sentence. I went in reverse alphabetical order, based on the author’s last name, when compiling the final ‘poem’. The sentence was taken in pieces; there was no word here, word there; only once did I use the whole sentence.*

What I did was a far cry from the collaborative efforts in, 7 Poets, 4 Days, 1 Book, edited by Christopher Merrill; however, it is what inspired the idea. The poets’ objective for said book was to work together to address the idea of ‘union’. Their ‘group write’ was inspired by the French Surrealists movement, more specifically, the 1920-30s work of Andre’ Breton. However, Breton was not the first to entertain the idea of the collective poem; that dates back to eighth century, when Japanese poets practiced chain poems, or renga in order to address one idea.

One wonders what collective efforts are possible in the digital age. A modern-day renga, or chain poem, based on one idea or object; could span the globe. Imagine, a poem written with a common objective; perhaps a word/sentence/syllable limit, but without knowledge of anyone else’s words. The final project would be most interesting; perhaps a bit of a disaster, but in a ponderous way.

That had me thinking about, The Rumpus, an online journal of this and that. I’m quite taken by the head ‘rump’ (so to speak) Stephen Elliott, whose writing is quite addictive. He has helped to revive the letter, as in, you actually get a letter in the mail. Normally, I don’t sign up (or pay) for many things, but I do enjoy supporting innovative arts, ergo, I’ve got mail (no, real deal, postage). It gets even better too, you see, Elliott has decided to help us write letters, to each other. We shall write a one page letter and send it back, where it will get redistributed to other letter responders.

Do you see where I may be going with this? Wouldn’t it be a fabulous collaborative effort to start a chain letter…no NOT that kind; but one where after a paragraph, you pass it on. The writer would work off of what the person before has written. What a wondrous tale one could have at the end. Surreal, indeed.

The wind has swirled a wild dervish, gusts of 40-plus, since 4AM. Now, almost midnight, and it is still going. The walls creak with the constant pressure. Tree branches whip the air, I hear their strain against the mighty blows. There is something within a wild wind that unmoors the senses. It leaves me restless; a rainless tornado that never touches land.

What will be your silent masterpiece?

“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.” ~ Haruki Murakami

The above quote was posted on the library’s social media today. Haruki Murakami is a unique author whose latest book, 1Q84, is certainly not ordinary, but its popularity bucks his quote since it has become a Times bestseller.

Murakami, however, is certainly not a Stephanie Meyers or a John Grisham. Murakami’s tomb is brilliantly crafted; a complexity of philosophical ‘what ifs’ woven into a story driven by vibrant character passages.

What do you choose to read on paper; on line? Do you ‘follow’ blogs with the same selection criteria that you would a book or film? Is it only the popular ‘freshly pressed’ or bust?

Jonathan Franzen shall probably never be a WP blogger, or blog reader. Recently, he’s been vocal about social platforms, such as Twitter and Facebook, for their base standards. Franzen believe that these platforms are dumbing down the current literary climate. Gasp; coming from a man who caved to Oprah, I must laugh at such an absurd statement. Franzen has a rather grandiose vision of his time versus the rest of us.

The clock just ticked over to tomorrow. I begin to question what I’ve consumed tonight…does it matter? Honestly, for me, yes. I wish to glean information with the little time I give to reading. Not so I can practice regurgitating this knowledge to pretend an Mensaish intelligence, but as a tool to help me help the world.

Poet, Adrienne Rich, ponders content in her book, Arts of the Possible. It is an apt reminder that as writers, we have a duty to ourselves, and our readers, to explore every avenue to stretch the breadth of our knowledge, and theirs. Her belief is that this helps to invigorate a dialogue in a time that has become starved culturally.

I never quite put into words why I try to abstain from reading the mainstream. Murakami’s quote says it all. If we read the same, we shall talk circles around each other, ending up in no man’s land.

In a country that seems to be struggling socio-politically to find a new vision, it seems imperative to go beyond surface. We must not just consume, but create those gems that push the boundaries; force dialogue; allow our voice to sound the next silent masterpiece.

under a blanket of Mars and the moon ~

Midnight *sigh*, she seems to arrive too early these days. Creeping into my bedroom, from around the kitchen corner; just five minutes ago, I swore the oven’s clock glowed 9:59.

Mondays are full of grand schemes; how I shall compartmentalize priorities when I get home from libraryland after 9PM. Writing is always on my list, but in mid-evening daydreams, I see typing around 10PM, not the witching hour.

Despite the hour, a wind blows strong outside.** An unseasonable warmth has the slider open a bit to allow winter’s grace to mingle with spring’s slumber. A howl recalls May storms that always kick up neighbor’s lawn furniture. Why do spring rains always smell green?

Hopefully, this reads a bit like a letter. If you saw my proposition post, you’ll know I’m a bit obsessed with the old fashion letter. I’m not the only one; it seems to be fashionable, again, perhaps even trendy. Letters in the Mail has been on my list to subscribe since I discovered The Rumpus.

Stephen Elliott, The Rumpus creator, is a brilliant writer. Seriously, just subscribe to his daily email, you shall never be disappointed; though, your sensibilities may be offended if you’re champion Rush more than the #boycott. Elliott has lived quite a colourful life (I oft wonder if his stories are embellished); it matters not, a wonderful weaver of daily life tales. ‘Read it, I know you’ll like it.’***

I digress. A clock is ticking loud somewhere; a frantic pace spins me closer to close these words soon. Spotify plays in the background. Despite this compression of time, I keep searching for the proper soundtrack to help me clear a field of vision before slumber keeps me under a blanket of Mars and the moon. William Fitzsimmons etherial whispers seem to fit tonight (today…).

Finally, another find that I shall share for those bibliophiles of the uncommon word, or translated work. Conversation Reading</em> is the work of Scott Eposito. It seems I follow Scott on twitter; this discovery uncovered today when his tweet caught my eye after mentioning a local author I know. Click, click, follow another link…voila, a new blog! I look forward to exploring further tomorrow, today…whatever the time in between split frame versions of this life… call it a sliding of doors.

Sliding Doors..why does know one know this film? How can one miss an exploration of its apt metaphor. Life dependent on which fate has it right? Who cannot love a film that talks of happiness, and then quotes Monty Python’s words: “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition”

(The slider closes, wind howling slightly less; and midnight’s dresses the ground in a dark wave until morning arrives. Sleep, she promises one more infinite dream.)

**sidebar – in the midwest, usually the wind dies at night around 9PM, and remains that way until at least 7AM.

***sidebar 2 – that is a sentence from what movie? hint: a favourite fluff movie mentioned in my proposition post about mail.

what happened to Jeff?

Damn your cage, a pit filled with human quick sand. Quiet, invisible muck, sticking me just below a jutting clavicle; I’ve been fighting gravity too much these days. Invisible, this sand, allowing ribs to expand this ___ much, enough to keep the hamster wheel turning; the blue body creative suffers to breathe. Keep pushing; got to groove that vinyl, a personal weather vain projecting wind that eventually blows this pile of cookie-cutter shit to smithereens. Suburban detritus, pink plastic pails filled with Wal-Mart emotions; cheap tricks that break hearts faster than a slap. No commotion down these paved bowels paralleling sterile trees; no seeds shall embed perfect greens perchance to propagate disease. How we fear change even if God or President promises it. We, They, Them, I, revert back; (yes, I) revert back to a lazy boy old way; overstuffed and kicked back; believing osmosis shall invoke change.

Is that what happened to Jeff? I keep finding his name in used books. “Find your voice in Chicago”, one inscription read, before a red Chi-town book of tales; fictional blends of POVs written over a decade past. Another book, an inscription on each chapter, “Good Luck, Jeff” (chapter 2) “Jeff, find your dreams” (chapter 12). Copyright reads: 1999. Damn, did Jeff give up? Did he move, then sellout with the rest of us? Where did he plant his seed, finally. I fear the truth as I touch each page, knowing how easily time feeds on young flesh; feeding until we check the mirror and the disguise wakes up.

How can I explain this isn’t my life that I write. The seed got lost. I’m pouring water on this uprooted vine hoping to transplant what is left. Throw me a string; hell, throw me a lifeline, if you know how to change. This application contains my vitals, my name, but not me. One more chance, I pray to any god, before they dig below ground and bury me; hungry worms will eat my remaining seed, unless, the body rises first in a swirl of promised dust.

Another coffee shop file. A new one, downtown, great ambiance. It reminded me how much I miss living in the city. I’m trying to move. Landlocked, I keep pushing, hoping that something happens to set even a minute wheel to turn in a new direction. Words inspired by these thoughts, written as you see, on napkins and mail fliers. Jeff is true. I’m intrigued. Three books at the used book store used to be his. I pray he made it. It would break my heart to believe these are there because he died, or ever worse, he gave up. ~

unexecuted ~

The poorly executed story. An apt description of an novel that you bother to sit with for awhile, ponder; and then with a “meh”, you toss aside into your stack you’ve mentally marked ‘return’.

I fear the poorly executed story. Perhaps that is why I’ve let my nanowrimo blog grow cold, even though those damn people, Aidan and eve, trip into to the cafe, whispering in somewhat colourful voices, enough to intrigue.

The chair scrapes forward as I lean. Their grey nature wrapped in urgency.

They are so not me; they are all of me.

Delicacy a novel I gave to page 70. The heroine was living a life I’d apologize for writing. Perhaps I’m too harsh; perhaps she is me.

We do it so easily with books; with others, thinking, “meh” nothing sings.

The red kite last night floated into my dreams.. A hold over from the day, a pondering that came into being as I walked the stacks. What must a kite see whilst floating?

I can’t imagine a kite would transverse a place where its tale couldn’t freely twist, turn; gracefully pacing under wings of prey.

The poorly executed story, how long would you read it? Better yet: How long, would you live it? Illuminate me, please.

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