History adds that before or after he died, he discovered himself standing before God, and said to Him: I, who have been so many men in vain, wish to be one, to be myself. God’s voice answered him out of a whirlwind: I, too, am not I; I dreamed the world as you, Shakespeare, dreamed your own work, and among the forms of my dream are you, who like me are many, yet no one. – Jorge Luis Borges, “The Maker”
Every page turned today (first day off after 7) spoke of death. Borges spoke of death; Kierkegaard spoke of death; Cormac McCarthy spoke of death– but not just death, but suicide. Even the pages I turn online have happened upon dialogues addressing the taking of one’s life. I do not seek the darkness, yet it always finds me. Is it wrong to say there is comfort to be found in these dialogues?
Thinking about the above quote, ripped from pages of brilliance of Borges, is a comfortable place to reside. What if we stopped pretending that we were somebody, that really just makes us everybody, but the point is to be no body. Do we walk the precipice, or worse, fall from it, before we discover that the shoes we left bear the mark of a sole that leaves the same imprint as the one now before us.
Dreams are curious things. Sometime during yesterday’s dreams, I dreamed of a place I’ve never been, but the ‘actors’ all have been a part of my history. Waking, this dream nudged forward after reading Borges, and I realized that it was not so much a vision of progress than of memory. I was the subject of others objections. I was the outcast. It did not alarm me as much as it caused me pain. Pain, as the writers above remind me, is just a reminder that one is alive; of this world in existence. Does that mean that we are never fully awake if all we feel is sunshine when the clouds are dumping rain.
I digress…it is late, and it is time to beg for sleep that really doesn’t wish to come for a few hours. I shall leave you with a quirky little song that I stumbled upon while skimming Spotify for writing inspiration…it just seamed apt, especially since I’ve been also reading about kitsch. ~